If we are going to be honest with ourselves, I think we’ll find the answer to this question a little surprising. Most people lead busy lives. I know I do. It drives me insane most of the time. On one hand, I love to constantly have things to do. Most days I’d rather be active and out doing something instead of being on the couch at home watching a movie. On the other hand, I often feel that I’m barely staying afloat in the sea of things to accomplish on my never-ending checklist. Yes, you better believe I keep a checklist! I’m sort of the nerdy type in that way (well, in a lot of ways, but I’m just pointing this one way out today). I live by lists. Lists of tasks to do at work, sticky notes at home with grocery lists, appointments to be made, gifts to buy, things to organize and clean. It never ends.

I often find myself scheduling dinners, coffees and outings for work relationships or with acquaintances that I’d like to get to know better or haven’t seen in ages. If I’m invited, it’s difficult to say no and turn down the kind offer. Hear this: Learn to say ‘no’ on occasion! We must learn to manage our time for the sake of our relationships with those that we neglect the most: the people we love the most. It’s the truth. We tend to neglect our loved ones the most. Where’s the logic in that? We expect them to understand if we have other plans or obligations, almost always giving them the short end of the stick. I’m not saying you shouldn’t nurture other relationships as well, but don’t constantly sacrifice your most important relationships for your secondary relationships.

Recently, I’ve realized this very situation unfolding in my life in not only one circumstance, but in two. My roommate is one of my very best friends, but we don’t get very much quality time together as friends. Why? Because I’m always busy. After work I have meetings, dinners, sports, church, etc and I’m rarely home before 9:00PM. By the time I do actually get home I’m tired, hungry and have only a few hours to get things accomplished (remember, I keep those darn checklists) before heading to bed. This means, I’m usually not in the mood to have good conversation. The weird thing is, if another friend would ask me to schedule a dinner I’d look in my planner and see where I could fit it in, but because I live with my roommate we don’t “schedule” a time to catch up. Consequently, our friendship definitely goes through periods of deprivation. I struggle with that, but the first step is acknowledging the problem.Seeing her every day does not equate to spending quality time with her.

The second circumstance was brought to my attention at work. Because I’m trying to save money and I live only two miles from work, I usually go home for lunch; however, I do schedule a lunch outing about once a week. Usually, if someone says to me, “we should do lunch,” I’m good about working it into my schedule. Once it’s in my planner and I’m anticipating it, I’ll make it happen. However, the girls in my department tell me where they are going for lunch and ask me to join almost every day. Because I’ve gotten in the habit of declining so I can go home for lunch on most occasions, I’ve learned to take their offer for granted. One of the girls actually jokingly pointed out to me the other day, that I schedule lunches with other people, but not with them very often anymore. I hadn’t even realized it. Working in the same department as someone else does not equate to spending quality time together.

Both of these circumstances made me realize the message that my actions have been sending to those that are close to me. Additionally, it became obvious that physically being in the same room as another person does not equate to spending quality time with them. The truth is, if we don’t intentionally make the time for quality time, it will pass us by.

Who are you neglecting?

Be intentional about the time you will spend with those that are closest to you. Who do you need to schedule time with today?