I have an image of you in the story of Jesus with Mary, and Martha. You are Martha busy at work in the kitchen. Jesus comes over to you, gently takes your hand, and leads you out of the kitchen and into the gathering room and asks you to sit at his feet and just be with Him for a while. Martha. He led Martha to stop the constant busy work and just be with Him.

I am Martha. She is a reoccurring comparison that has been continually surfacing in my life lately. I’m a do-er for sure. I like to take things and get them done – all good to a certain degree, but I tend to be a busy body and fill my life to the brim with activities, meetings, social outings, committees, projects, etc. It’s a fault of mine that has been brought to light time and time again. I tend to be pretty extreme, when I get on board with something I’m all in so I part the tide and make room in my life somehow.

As the comparison to Martha continued to pop up, I was forced to look at the ‘why’ of the situation. Why is it that I over-commit? Why is it that my life seems to continually be one giant checklist of task after task? Why am I such a Martha ALL THE TIME?

In running down that ‘why’ I realized there were a few motivators behind the why. One, an attempt to escape any inkling of a feeling of loneliness coming on. Two, a belief in the lie that I was not worthy until I could prove myself.

I was constantly trying to prove myself in every single area of my life; in my home life, in my work life, in my extracurricular life, in everything really. I was constantly trying to chase down and grasp a feeling of worthiness. My method of chasing it down? By attempting to achieve more and more and more. I wanted physical success. I wanted there to be tangible proof that I was making progress towards becoming worthy. All this was happening subconsciously, of course. There was a constant underlying feeling of unworthiness in my life. As I chased down worthiness, I kept feeling farther away from it, as if the playing field just kept getting larger and larger. Worse, I just ended up more and more consumed with so many peripheral things that I felt like a bobber out at sea, just barely keeping my head above the water and the winds were rough. Oh were they rough. So many times I’d be taken under before I could come up again for air, just long enough to catch my breath and be taken under again. Worse yet, it was all self-imposed. Not intentionally, but blindly.

The truth is I am not worthy. I’m not worthy of anything the Father has given to me. I’m not so much as worthy for this life, BUT He deems us worthy to receive all He has for us and He does so out of nothing but a most pure and sacred love. A love that is not shattered by our human faults and failures. It is a bold and vivacious kind of love that doesn’t waver or cower when rejected. It is a love that is endless and infinite.  No human love could even compare to the complexity and intensity of the Father’s love for His children. We are not worthy, but He chooses to make us worthy. And because He does, it is our gift to be granted permission to sit back and receive the gifts He desires so much to give to us. But you cannot receive those gifts with hands full of all the other things in your life. So drop it all. Drop it and open your hands to the Heavens. Relax and just receive for a moment. Stop with the Martha for a moment and be Mary instead. Come sit at the feet of Jesus and be blessed by His presence. Come sit at the feet of Jesus in the quiet and stillness of your heart and listen to what He wants to tell you. Then, maybe, just maybe you’ll hear the soft whisper of a God who loves you just as you are.