I stood side by side with an older gentleman I had met just moments before we found ourselves engrossed in conversation with one another. Initially we were talking about random surface topics, but eventually he began to talk about faith and Church. I’m not sure how the topic shifted in that direction, but it did so I went along for the ride. I clearly have no issues talking about either of those things.

He was a pleasant man and seemingly filled with joy. As he spoke he became very adamant about telling me his collection plate contribution habits. He said each week he makes a donation in the collection plate for the church he attends, but he always takes change from the larger amount he donates. I could tell he was bracing himself for an argumentative conversation, silently assuming I would say he shouldn’t take change from the collection plate. He repeated himself almost combatively even though I hadn’t given him any indication as to how I felt or would respond. It seemed to me as though he was trying to make a point. He said, “I should be able to take change if I want to. I should be able to donate any amount that I want to and if I want to make change from the collection plate then I am going to make change.” Then he stopped speaking and looked to me, waiting for my response. I could tell this conversation had taken place this exact same way (or very similarly) multiple times in the past and he had decided in advance I was going to disagree with him.

Finally, when there was a big enough pause for me to say something, I gathered my thoughts and calmly replied with, “Yes, if you want to make change for your donation, you can make change. You are free to give as much or as little as you want, that is your choice. But let me ask you this – do you make change from the collection plate every week? Because if you do, why don’t you just make the effort to bring the exact amount you want to give in the first place? Maybe there is a completely practical reason you can’t, I don’t know.

What is your motive?

If you simply can’t make the change in advance that’s one thing, but if you are motivated to draw attention to yourself then that’s another thing. I could be wrong, but it seems to me you are more interested in making a point about taking change from your donation and your free will to do so than you are about actually donating that specific amount. What’s your motive?”

I could tell by his facial expressions that he wasn’t expecting to hear any of what I had just said, and perhaps didn’t like it either. In fact, he didn’t even really know how to respond, but his face said it all. He had never really thought about it in those terms before and maybe was taken a bit off-guard that anyone – let alone someone who was just a stranger moments prior – would ask him to answer the question I had posed.

I didn’t need him to answer the question in the moment. The answer wasn’t for me anyway. He can answer the question in his own heart and in his own time. His answer is for him and him alone. His answer may say he’s doing it all for the right reasons. Either way, I think it’s important we ask ourselves repeatedly what our motives are in all situations. The questioning points us to truth; truth with self as well as the overarching truth of life.

There are scenarios where our motives are to do the right thing, but there are also scenarios where our motive is to draw attention to ourselves or even to please other people or to meet certain expectations.

It’s easy to get caught up in what we feel we should be doing, should be contributing to, how we should be serving, and what engagements we should be attending. It’s easy to feel the pressure of everyone else’s expectations, or at least our perception of what their expectations of us might be. Do you ever feel the weight of the imaginary expectations you put on yourself because you think an invitation or opening in a schedule means you aren’t doing enough, being enough, or accomplishing enough? Do you then react by immediately filling that vacancy in your schedule with one more thing you feel you should be doing?

When you are faced with all these expectations and start to feel overwhelmed, remember to ask yourself one simple question…

What is my motive?

If you ask yourself this question and find genuine good as the driving force behind your response then you are probably being pushed for the right reasons. Contrarily, if your motives are simply to please someone else or to make a statement you may need to revisit why you are doing that thing in the first place. Is it necessary? Is there a better way?

Start asking yourself what your motives are in your day-to-day life. When we examine our motives, it makes it easier to say no to the things we shouldn’t be doing. It brings clarity to our actions where there may not have been clarity in the past. It also makes it easier to follow truth and in so doing, to follow God.